I woke up in the wee small hours of this morning, wide awake with little chance of nodding-off again. I pondered on different things - my future, relationships, people that have been in my life and in some cases, why they aren't any more. Times of unrest often leave me pondersome, I question my own place in the world, what I want to achieve and how to do it.
I have had a particular aspiration for a while now, a small one really, to fill a sketchbook page every day. It's been something I have tried over and over, but the pressure to be creative so often leads to resentment and a lack of enthusiasm - it becomes a chore. In my drowsy, sleep deprived state I had a revelation. Silly really, but I realised that I am already creative every single day. Be it by hook or needles, pliers or scissors, I am creative EVERY DAY. I have things to show for my hard work, the time that I spend being creative. I make things that make me happy, and in my day-job as a full time crafter I hope that they make other people happy too.
The standards we set for ourselves can be so destructive. Isn't it funny how self-imposed ideas of "creativity" leave you unable to see the wood for the trees? But how can these habits be broken? I know that some of this comes from my university experience - the decision on what was valid was made by other people, a full sketchbook for example was a tangible show of effort and thought process, a finished product in itself. But I don't have to seek approval any more, I want to keep a sketchbook because I love the act of keeping records of thoughts, of documenting my creative process. I'll keep trying, but I must learn to be less hard on myself. After all, these things are meant to be for my benefit, and for my own enjoyment.
I don't have the answers just yet, but I feel like this realisation is a good start.