Thoughts on Being 30 (and a half)

Today is my half-birthday. I am Thirty-and-a-Half and I've been doing some thinking about the whole "being thirty" thing. Now, I can't say that reaching this particular milestone was terribly bothersome to me - twenty-seven was rather more unsettling and I have no clue in my head as to why that was, but thirty was just fine. But I've been thinking about life, and how things change, and how I've changed over the years and I thought I would share some of my conclusions...

I've decided that I'm messy, and I'm busy, and really I'd rather be crocheting than tidying.

I have fewer friends now than I've ever had, because not so long ago it became apparent that fair-weather friends aren't worth the energy, and so there are less friends, but they are good friends. They are the people that know me best, that I could share anything with, that I would do anything for. I love my friends, they are the best! I make an effort to spend as much time as I can with my family, I love them very much, and after living away for so long I make the most of the time I have with them. My life is sweeter for having my friends and family in it.

I am finally reaching a point where I am happy in my own skin. I like my short hair, and I wear what I want, and I love bright coloured clothes and pretty prints and sweet little shoes, and I love big clunky Dr Marten boots, and some days I love Kawaii cuteness and my little pink basket and everything has to be pink, and other days I love Granny florals and my knitting bag and dainty little teacups. Some days I want to go on adventures, and some days I want to hibernate. And that's just fine. It's taken a long time to get here. 

My life as a full-time crafter is a happy one. I don't earn nearly as much as I did working in retail management, but my goodness, I hated working in retail, and I love what I do now. I make my own schedule, I work harder than ever but I have flexibility and I am so proud of my sweet little shop. I wish I could keep a sketchbook more consistently, and I wish I was a little braver at knitting, but I love my little brightly coloured shop, and all of the quirks of being self-employed. 

I must confess that I don't always find life easy, I still don't feel like a grown up, and sometimes I wonder how other people make life look so easy, and seem so capable, and yet I feel so awkward all the time. Of course, I'm sure to other people I seem utterly confident and capable and they probably feel just as awkward as I do on the inside, but still, some days it's really not easy. I watched a Ted Talk recently about how to "fake it 'till you make it" (I've only just discovered Ted Talks and they're really rather interesting, as usual I'm a bit late to the party...) and it really made sense, to keep coming across as confident until eventually you become it... I'm still waiting for it to happen, but the nice lady assures me it will. 

There are lots of things that make me happy - cats, tea, flowers, art galleries, knitting and crochet, cake, silly tv shows, cardigans, old movies, notebooks, pretty jewellery, buttons, taking photographs, reading lots of books, floral fabric, walking in the countryside, going to see my favourite bands, letters, the Harry Potter Studio Tour, vinyl, the seaside, London, museums, charity shopping, vintage brooches, cassettes, my favourite songs, pretty clothes, vintage toys, visiting new places, my garden, art books, home. All of these things are part of what makes me who I am. 

Patrick Caulfield - "Vases of Flowers" 1962 

If you've made it here, to the end of my rambling then thank you, I'm not sure if any of it means anything or is of any value or consequence to anyone but me, but I wanted to share anyway, if only to get thoughts out of my head.